A message to my future husband...(Part V)

Dear future husband,

It's okay to be vulnerable. 

And as you lay, bed stricken by this cold, I promise to take care of you. 

I'll pull out the oil to massage your back as you lay in bed next to me. 

I'll pour you a cup of OJ and make you soup, from scratch. 

And we can lay in bed and have the best date. Pizza and movies. 

I'll let you control the remote. We can even watch ESPN as long as you'd like. 

And I'll smile as I watch you rest because I know how hard you've been working. 

I will smile because of the amazing effort you've put in to make sure that we are safe and secure. 

The effort you've put in to make sure that we have everything we need. 

I'll roll over in to your smile and whisper "thank you" in your ear. 

You'll ask me why, and I'll begin to name all the many reasons why my heart and soul is thankful for you. 

And though I'll never have all of the words to adequately express my gratitude for you, I'll do my best to show you. 

And I'll laugh once more, as you carefully roll the tissue, pop it in your nose, take in a breath, and drift back to sleep. 

And I'll whisper in your ear once more, and I'll say "it's okay, I'm here".

A message to my future husband...(Part IV)

Can I embrace you...

I've watched as you've selfishly given so much of yourself with no expectations.

You labor out of love and that has been my inspiration.

It's become one of the things that make me love you more and more.

And my heart melts.

Every time you walk through the door, my heart melts.

And as I stand in the kitchen to make us dinner, I can't help but smile.

The ribs are in the oven, the green beans are on simmer, the rice cooks until it becomes tender, and I can't stop smiling.

I watch as you sit on the couch, resting your body and mind.

And I smile.

I make you your favorite drink...Remy and Ginger Ale.

I hand you the remote, and I smile.

You spent your day off helping others

You took your free time, and gave to others.

The dinner timer chimes and I meet you at the table.

We eat.

You rest.

I sit next to you, listening to you yawn from exhaustion.

I can feel every pain shooting from your body.

You lay across my lap and I gently massage your back.

You drift off to sleep and my hand gently glides across your cheek.

And in that moment I'm thankful that you chose me.

And my heart feels refreshed as I think of how blessed I am, that we found each other.

To find a mate who's selfless state, inspires me to give even more of me, I'm grateful.

I'm thankful.

Thankful that God led me to you, and you to me.

Thankful that my heart, mind, and soul were open enough to receive you.

And I see you.

No longer blinded by past pains.

I see you.

And my heart bursts at the thought of you.

I didn't realize how much my soul needed you.

I didn't realize how much my soul yearned for YOU.

But I found you...

Thank God I found you.

A message to my future husband....(Part III)

I've been hurt. 

But I promise not to place blame for past pains on you. 

I promise to tell you. 

I promise to open my heart up to you and let you in to the deepest, most intimate, and sacred parts of me. 

You see, before there was ever a You and Me, my life was full of counterfeit reproductions of the man my dad always wanted for me. 

And I let them in. 

Without a second guess, I let them in. 

I didn't question their place. 

I never questioned their presence and placement. . 

And they hurt. 

Without a care. They hurt. 

They struck deep. 

Took a knife to my heart and cut deep. 

And with time I promise to release and reveal the many ways I've been hurt.

Because I just need you to understand where I've been emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 

Because I've accepted their purpose in the makings of me. 

It took years, but I reignited the flame of power that had gone idle within my soul. 

I had let the selfish nature of a boy blow out the flame and rip my innocence from me. 

I innocently laid next to a boy one night without knowing that my life would forever change. 

In a matter of minutes, I crossed the threshold to womanhood before I was ready. 

In that moment, somehow "No" meant "yes". 

He pushed. 

He pressed. 

I cried. 

I changed. 

I fell deep in to a place with no clear sign of returning. 

This dark place had kept me from fully loving and giving myself to a man. 

So I prayed. 

I searched. 

I just hoped to regain the power that had been stripped from me without warning. 

I searched to find the power that had been stripped from me, without my consent. 

And after many years of searching on the outside,I found my power which I had never lost from within.   

After years of lacking trust, misplacing trust, I found my healing. 

I found ME. 

Now I'm ready to love and give my all to you, exclusively. 

 

So I just ask that you be patient with me. 

For I know the things that come along with loving me. 

And I ask you to hold me. 

Because nights when sleep is full of flashbacks and sweats, tears and fears, I'll need you to hold me. 

Tightly. 

Securely. 

And I know this journey won't be easy, but I know that God made you just for me. 

And I promise to work and give you all that you need of me. 

My past made me, but I promise not to let it restrain me from loving and being the wife you need me to be. 

A message to my future husband....(Part II)

Can we just lay with each other. 

I want to spend our nights, laying at opposite ends, on the couch. 

I want to look in to your eyes, as we lay and let time fly. 

Listen to old school R&B and sing along to the melody. 

And as you gently massage my feet and my mind relaxes, I'll smile. 

And when morning comes, I'll put on a pot of coffee. I'll turn the kettle on for some tea. 

We can sit and watch ESPN. 

Answer emails and chat. 

I'll look up from my computer and watch you as you work, thinking to myself, "I'm the luckiest girl in the world"

And I'll listen to your stomach growl and laugh cause I know you're waiting on me. 

So we will make breakfast together. 

I'll tackle the potatoes, you handle the bacon. 

The biscuits will brown, the orange juice will be poured. 

And we will sit and eat and share, together. 

I'll turn on the radio to 96.3, take you by the hand and slow dance. 

And as we glide across the floor, each footstep will be a reminder of every step I want to take with YOU on this journey of love. 

And as the sun shines through the window and hits your face, I'll smile as I think to myself "He's mine". 

And I'm yours. 

I'm completely yours. 

And US becomes this magical word that inspires me to want to grow, to build, and  to love with you. 

And I will love you. 

With everything in me, I will love you. 

A message to my future husband...(Part I)

Dear Future Husband...

I love you.
I trust you.
I believe in you.
I believe in us.

I give you my heart.

I may not always have the words to adequately tell you how much I love you, but I promise to show you.

With each new day I promise to remind you and give you new reasons to continue to build our love.

I promise to smile and to find new ways to make you smile.

I just ask that you hold me.

On dark nights when my past attempts to break my spirit.

Hold Me.

Reassure my spirit and place my mind at ease. 

Gently squeeze me and let me know you're there. 

Cause I believe in us.

I believe in the security of the vows we said before God and family. 

I believe in the foundation laid before us.

I believe in you and me.

I believe in the perfectly imperfect beauty of our love.

And I trust you.

And every time we lock hands, I can feel my hearts beat skip to a rhythm uniquely composed by our love. 

And as my heart sings, my soul listens as our love composes a beautiful melody. 

And as our trust grows more and more with each passing day, I can feel the past pains and heart aches and breaks erasing. 

I pray my heart never has to know what life is without you. 

After years of building up the wall that past hurts have built, you've managed to learn me enough to break it down. 

So I thank you. 

You have become everything my heart and soul has ever needed. 

And I love you for it. 

I will always love you for it.